am The Great Phantasmo, master of the unknown, with the ability to know the true machinations of the fates. It is I who can see through the veil of Time, and give you accurate predictions of the future.

In my previous life I offered my gifts to world leaders such as John F Kennedy, Anwar Sadat, Shinzo Abe, and King Birendra of Nepal. Now my dear and wonderful readers I offer you my gifts. I'm opening up my talent to the simple and wonderful people that make up the ordinary citizens of this world.

Michael Sheboygan of Chicago writes me.

I'm seeing this girl by the name of Marianne, lovely girl. We're both divorced, one kid each. We've been saying lately that we should get married. I’m nervous. My ex-wife was the love of my life, and when it failed, I was heartbroken. I'm wondering if it’s a good idea to get hitched up with this lady or should we keep it casual?

Ah, fantastic question. Will the marriage work out in the end? The Great Phantasmo can answer. All I must do is look into the mists of time. I see you, Mike Sheboygan, and your future wife, Marianne Kowalski. You have entered into holy matrimony yet there is conflict, as you, Mike Sheboygan, have used the last of the milk on some cornflakes. You don't particularly feel like going out to get more milk because you're tired. So you asked Mary if she could, but she's also tired. Then you both agree that milk isn't that important right now and you can get it later.

Miss Darlene Smith of Chicago has an inquiry for the Great Phantasmo.

My daughter Mike wants to pursue her career in improv comedy. What do you think I should do?

Ah, yes. The grand question of parents of progeny who wish to pursue an art career. Will they sit back and watch as their offspring struggle for years with low pay and low guarantees? Or will they take the guarantee of the normal every day? The border of the future and the present are gossamer thin and I, the master of prophecy, can gaze past it.

Yes. It's late at night. She is tired, yet she's supposed to meet her friend to go see a movie. It's past seven and she wants to go home, kick back, and fall asleep watching The Office. She calls her friend Tiffany who also worked a long day and they reschedule for next week. I hope you have found solace in the prediction of the future.

My next one comes from William Moore of Chicago.

Hi, the great Phantasmo. I wrote to you a year ago about whether I should quit my job to follow my dream of being an artist. You told me that in a year I'd buy a bagel from a bagel shop and I’d like it a lot. I want you to know I did buy that bagel. It was pretty good. But you never answered my question.

Yes, I remember you exactly William Malloy. I'm glad that my predictions have guided you; the future can be scary and unbearable at times. I understand my predictions bring great comfort to those who seek them out.

That is why I, the great Phantasmo, will guide you along these strange and unusual paths.